


Feel You Forget Me (Like I Used To Feel You Breathe)

by notalone91



Series: LoserFest 2021 [5]
Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti)
Genre: Alternate Universe - After College/University, M/M, eddie kaspbrak stays in derry, loserfest2021, now leaving derry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-17 19:54:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29231124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notalone91/pseuds/notalone91
Summary: When Richie is accepted to a prestigious internship in New York, he doesn't remember the one he left behind.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Series: LoserFest 2021 [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2138544
Comments: 4
Kudos: 11





	Feel You Forget Me (Like I Used To Feel You Breathe)

**Author's Note:**

> Day 5 - Inspired by a track from Speak Now (Last Kiss)

The summer after their senior year of college, most of the Loser’s club had left Derry. For better or worse, Richie and Eddie were the last ones left. In truth, Richie had only stayed in the vain hope that, maybe, Eddie would either realize that he didn’t need to stay and help her or, God forgive him, that whatever so-called illness she had would claim her and Eddie would finally be his own man. 

One August night, Richie came sliding into his apartment- realistically their apartment, but Eddie still technically lived with his mom according to anyone who asked. “I got the internship!” He came jumping across the back of the couch and landed right next to his boyfriend.

“That’s incredible, Richie!” He said with a yell. “I knew you would!” The NBC Page program was huge. It was something that would put Richie all over super important people. It would get him all of the connections he’d ever want. He couldn’t help but be excited for him. 

Richie swallowed thickly. This was the part he was worried about. “They want me to start next Monday.”

Eddie nodded. His eyes seemed like they were close to popping out of his head. “Oh. That’s-”

He twisted so that his legs were on either side of Eddie’s lap. “I know. I know it’s soon. But,” he bounced excitedly, the same way he had when he suggested that, maybe, instead of using his room and board money for a dorm, he should get his own apartment, “you could come with me!”

“No, that’s-”

Richie grabbed his hands and rocked forward, kissing his face repeatedly, pointedly. “Come on, it’ll be fun. You and me in New York.”

Sadly, Eddie moved his hands down Richie’s chest. “You know I can’t. Someone has to take care of Ma,” he said. 

He had thought of that, of course. Sonia was an ever-present cloud looming over their relationship. Still, he had to hope. “I know. But, it could be-” 

Eddie shook his head. His aunts wanted nothing to do with her now, especially since he’d come out. There was no one else. It had to be him. Richie knew that.

“No. No, I guess not,” he said as he rocked himself off of Eddie and into the corner of the couch. “So, now what?”

The last week before Richie left Derry was heartbreaking. Eddie only left Richie’s apartment to make sure that his mother had her meals and her meds. It was hysterical, really, the way everything had turned out. Now, because of everything, Eddie was going to wind up alone. After fighting her off, working his ass off to get over her abuse, there he was. Bev had left ages ago. Bill left soon after. Then Ben, Stan, and Mike all went to college. He and Richie had been the only ones left. Now, it would be just him. 

And fuck if that didn’t hurt.

He helped pack up Richie’s stuff. He insisted that Eddie keep the apartment because he’d paid the lease through the end of the year and the program was only 15 months max, so he would be coming back. It wouldn’t be too long. They could do a year.

And they were adults. It wasn’t like when Bev and Bill had left. He wasn’t going to forget him. He wasn’t going to stop calling. And they had fucking phones now. It wasn’t ideal, but he wanted to kiss Mr. Nokia for the device he kept in his pocket.

Still, when it came down to it, Richie had demanded a sweatshirt and a pair of Eddie’s running shorts. "If you jerk off into these, dickhead, I swear," Eddie had groaned as he sorted through the last of Richie's clothes, stealing a sweater, two t-shirts, and a hat for himself. Add to that the two pairs of sweatpants and hoodie that were already more his than Richie's, he figured that should last him a year. Richie even made up an "eau du Richie" a good squeeze of his body wash and shampoo, a couple drops of their laundry detergent, the remains of his cologne, and some imitation coffee extract mixed into water and vodka dumped into a Fabreze bottle so he could give it a spritz as the smell wore off. He teased that there was a little bodily fluid in there too, but Eddie knew that was a lie. 

They loaded all of Richie’s boxes into his old civic on Saturday morning so that they could stay in bed as long as possible in Sunday.

It was 4 am, sometime after round 3, Eddie was laid flush on top of Richie, their naked bodies entwined, practically stuck together. "I don’t want you to go," he said quietly. He pressed a kiss to Richie’s chest.

"I don’t want to leave you," he said, wrapping his boyfriend tightly in his arms and kissing the top of his head. "I love you."

Willing himself not to cry, he rested flat against him. "Just hold me. Don't let me go."

By the time the sun came up, Richie was fast asleep. Eddie was grateful, it gave him time. Time to pretend nothing was wrong. He could do any of a million things for Richie, to make that eight-hour drive less of a pain. Instead, he changed into the clothes Richie was planning to wear in the car and sat, thinking it all over and watching him so completely at peace.

At noon, Richie was ready to go. Eddie had made him a thermos of coffee, lunch and dinner, and breakfast for the next morning. It was too easy. It was too smooth. They switched clothes and kissed for way longer than they had since they'd discovered other, more exciting activities. "Come with me," he whispered into Eddie's hair. "Please?"

He pressed up into his tippy-toes. "We'll make this work, Richie," he said, knowing in his heart that it just wasn't true. He kissed him again, and added, "you gotta go if you want to make it before tomorrow."

"I love you," Richie said, belligerently staying stuck right to his spot, holding his boyfriend for as long as he could. "I love you so much."

Hating that he could hear the good-bye in Richie's voice, Eddie clung a little tighter, breathing him in and listening to his heartbeat. "I love you."

Eddie watched Richie's old car disappear into nothing. Richie sobbed the whole way out of town. Gradually, though, the tears lessened. Somewhere just North of Boston, he could hardly remember what he was upset about. By the time he woke up the next morning, Richie could do no more than wonder if he'd gotten someone else's breakfast by mistake because he didn't know anyone with an E name that would have sent a full breakfast along with him. 

As the years went on, Eddie saved every clipping as Richie’s career grew. He did the same for everyone, Bev's fashion, Ben's architecture, Mike’s culinary career, Stan's triumphs in finance, Bill's writing. Meanwhile, he ran the garage in town and became the de facto town historian. He watched, and he waited. He prayed beyond all else that It would never return and his friends would be able to prosper.

Occasionally, every couple of months, it would hit him all over again that he would never have a chance at that life. He was destined to watch. He'd pull on one of those old pairs of sweats, spray down the bed in the apartment they'd shared, the one Richie had promised to come back to, out everything he'd saved from Richie’s achievements out in front of himself on the floor and cry and drink himself numb. 

By the time it was becoming obvious that the cycle was beginning again, he had already calculated a million scenarios on how the fight could go. An elder tribesman of a local group of natives had told him that all living things must abide by the laws of the shape they inhabit. The most likely answer he could come up with involved all of them. He found himself constantly worried about what lives they would have to go back to once all was said and done. And, sometimes, he'd think about what they might do after the fact? Once they killed It for good, would they forget again? Could he handle it?

As it turned out, he didn't have much of a choice. 

He tapped out the first number on his list hesitantly. He waited through each ring until, finally, the line went active. He could hear staggered breathing and knew he was there. The fear was almost palpable. "Hey, Rich. It’s Eddie Kaspbrak. From Derry."

**Author's Note:**

> IT HAS NOW OFFICIALLY COME IN AS MY #1 WORK. HOLY SHIT. lol remember the times I killed half of my top off just for the ~`~eMoTiOnS~`~ like 2... or 3? Times? Oof. Meanwhile, now, I sit here and go "Remember the good old days when my OTP was a happy, totally canon one so i had to invent my own drama? lol. *looks down at smudged writing on hand* Glue was a fun show and I'm thankful for all the time I spent writing *squints* Kraine, Skim Mayonnaise, and British Banana... was well spent. even though i bailed on the show after Kurt and Blaine broke up then only watched the Finn tribute, the Beatles episodes, and the finale #sorrynotsorry 


End file.
